Friday, May 25, 2012

Does The "Fringe" Make You Cringe?

Pin It I have been active on several message boards and chat rooms throughout my life, and I am an unabashed fan of social media. Facebook was a genius idea. Our lives will never be the same. The internet was my savior during both of my pregnancies so it was a natural progression to migrate into the world of pregnancy and parenting forums. I think it is a great thing that moms from all walks of life can get together and discuss their babies, pregnancy, parenting and kids in general without having to arrange transportation, pack snacks or even change out of their pajamas for that matter. Talking about our kids is awesome.

Talking about anything BUT our kids is even better.

99 percent of the moms I talk to are wonderful. We're all different, different politics, different ideals, different parents. We can agree to disagree and even tear each other a new hole in one thread and be totally on the same page in another. I have made some friends for life and even a few frenemies. Unfortunately, like any public forum, there is always "The Fringe".  Fringe moms can be nuts. They'll cut a bitch. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating (a little). They come in all shapes and sizes. Every mom I know has had a run in with one at one point or another. They make for entertaining reading.

"This is called "pwning a bitch" sweetheart. Mommy's no newbie."
  I often run into disbelief from my friends when I tell them stories from "The Boards". They don't believe that moms really behave like that. I assure you, the following examples are real. Some of them are composites of a few different people but they are real. Chances are I'm not talking about you. Even if I was, you probably wouldn't realize it. Lets face it, crazy people never realize they're crazy. Sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy.

There are too many to go into in just one post so I am going to break this up into several chapters. Hell maybe I'll write a book about it. The Unreal Housewives of the Interwebz maybe. That has a nice ring to it. In the meantime if I do three at a time I should be done by next May.

  • The Activist - This mom posts articles about everything from the anti-vax movement to circumcision trying to raise "awareness". She is trying to change the world, one cloth diaper at a time, and wants to make disposable diapers illegal. She will unleash the beast on you if you admit to feeding your kid *gasp* non organic milk and didn't understand what all the fuss was about when Gisele Bundchen wanted to make breastfeeding mandatory. She wears her baby even when she's asleep, rejects medical authority, eats tree bark for breakfast and won't eat anything that casts a shadow. She claims to be "off the grid" but has an internet connection. I suspect her computer is made of bamboo. The activist is not to be confused with the crunchy or "green" mom. Crunchy, Semi crunchy and Eco Conscious moms somehow manage to hold on to their ideals WITHOUT looking like flaming idiots. They usually realize that each person has to make the decisions that best suit their family. They also lack the sanctimonious attitude that The Activist is known for.

The Activist judges you for...well...everything.

  • The Zealot -  Repent sinners, for the Zealot has cometh. She is usually armed with a bible and claims to be Christian although there is nothing Christ-like about her. She hates "The Gays" and loves Pat Robertson. She burned her teletubbies dolls as soon as she realized, at the tender age of six, that Tinky Winky was a homosexual (because, you know, stuffed toys have sexual preferences). She can quote scripture from memory but always forgets the part about loving thy neighbor. Her kids aren't allowed to watch Harry Potter but she can recap the plot of every episode of All My Children for the last twenty years. Prefers the missionary position and would probably rather have sex through a hole in the sheet. Her answer to everything? "Because the Bible says so." Gets extremely upset when you mention that the Bible also says she can't wear cotton/polyester blends or eat shellfish Lev 19:19. 

The Zealot hates you...but she's praying for you.

  • The Pro-Lifer - I'm talking about the crazy ones, the ones who can turn a conversation about fluoride in drinking water into an anti-abortion missive. Nothing Andy Dicks a good conversation like the arrival of the extremist Pro-Lifer. She comes equipped with graphic photos and propaganda videos and she's not afraid to use them people. She thinks Planned Parenthood should really be named Abortions "R" Us and that the Pro-Choicers get pregnant on purpose just so they can terminate the pregnancy. She lives in a world where unwanted children are immediately adopted by the likes of Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock etc...and people who don't want to have children should just never have sex...even if they're married. Tends toward republican politics however not all republicans believe as she does. 

    ..and then he told me he got condoms from Planned Parenthood. BURN HIM.

These are just a few examples of the lunatic fringe. For every crazy broad I have met online there are a hundred really nice ladies just looking to discuss something a little more interesting than spit up and cradle cap. I can't blame them, I'm right there with them. The loons keep it interesting and remind us that even though we might not agree on much, at least we all have one thing in common.

We're not batshit crazy.

Photo Credits, all: FreeDigitalPhotos. Net

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Unknown said...

Hehe, love it and, oh, so true...

Anikica said...

That was hilarious and completely true. Excellent job momma!