Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Dear Mom Passing Judgment on my Smartphone

Pin It

I see you over there, condemning me with your eyes. It feels good to sit there in the sun doesn't it? Especially when you are steeped in self righteous indignation. I can feel your eyes burning into the back of my head as I brazenly ignore my children. How dare I squander these precious moments in their childhood. You are a way better mother than me, the way you devote yourself to your children twenty four hours a day. Clearly you are qualified to pass judgement. You were able to see enough in ten minutes of observation to inspire your blog post "Dear Mom on the iPhone"

I guess it's ok if you only blog while your kids are sleeping...

But momma...let me tell you what you didn't see.

You didn't see me at 3:30 am rocking my baby back to sleep when teething pain woke her up crying. You didn't hear her gentle murmurs of contentment, or see her downy head nestled against my cheek as I lulled her back to sleep with a song.

You didn't see me at 8:30 pm, as I lay in a narrow bed with my toddler, easing her fears about boogeymen with kind words and much wiping of tears. I held her in my arms while we talked about her day. By the time she fell asleep she was laughing. She knows that I will always keep her safe from the monsters in the closet.

You didn't see me at 6:00 pm, bathing my daughter and gently working the tangles from that beauty queen hair that you were kind enough to admire. Did you think she had braided her own hair this morning? Nope, that was me. It's our special time. She loves to sit on the floor, on my feet, while I brush and braid her hair. Another precious memory.

There's a lot about me that you don't see.

Let me get this straight Mommy, this lady went on the internet to complain about you being on the internet? IRONY.

Believe me, my eyes are on my prizes. All day long. We play. We laugh. We create a thousand happy memories every day. It is an insult to mothers everywhere that you feel qualified to judge our parenting skills based on ten minutes of creepy park stalking. You don't see the work I put into my relationship with my kids. I signed up for motherhood, not martyrdom. What I choose to do with my downtime is my business. Why shouldn't I catch up on my reading while my kids are occupied with independant play (which, by the way, is an integral part of their early education)? Should I just give up now? Put away all my interests and hobbys and spend my every waking minute engaging with my children? I think if anything that would just weaken my bond with them. I can just picture my oldest daughter in a few years thinking "Man, I wish mom would get a life. She's cramping my style" There will come a time when they no longer want me to come to the park with them all the time but it will be because they are confident, independant girls who aren't dependant on me for every facet of their entertainment, not because they feel they come second to my mobile device.

Damn, I wish mom would get off her phone. I'm not having any fun digging in the dirt by myself.

Perhaps next time, instead of lambasting us for how we choose to spend our downtime, you could celebrate the fact that our children are outside playing in the fresh air and making new friends. I guess you missed the part where my daughter got bored with twirling and went up to that dark haired girl and asked her if she wanted to play. For the next half an hour she was completely oblivious to my existence. I'll try not to take it personally. I'm pretty sure my kids are just happy to be at the park after this long, dreary winter. And thanks for the suggestion about discussion topics for swing time with my baby but I think shes a little young for either meteorology or theology. Right now she's still amazed at the fact that swing goes up, swing comes down.

Tell me the part about Cumulus clouds again mommy, that was really interesting...said no toddler, ever.

I'll tell you what my children know...

They know that they are the best thing Mr. Zinga and I have ever done with our lives. I've shown them every day just how important they are to me, to us. Every kiss, every cuddle, every kind word I've ever said to them has been a memory made. I fix their booboos. I fix their dinner. I fix their toys, (even the loud ones that annoy me) all with the aim of making them happy, healthy and safe. I teach them positive values and how to live with balance, moderation and merit. I'll be damned if my children's memories are going to be of a frantic mother, hovering needlessly trying to stave off the mom guilt brought on by hypocrites who smugly denounce "techie" moms from the comfort of their blogs. No. I wont have it. Their memories are going to be of a mother who gave them everything they needed and wasn't afraid to take fifteen minutes for herself. I'm very glad you choose to blog only at night or during naptime. Thats not a luxury I have today. I have to do all my chores during naptime. I didn't get anything done today.

I was too busy taking my kids to the park.

Image stolen from Facebook
All photos courtesy of my smartphone

Pin It

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Endless Inspiration, Zero Energy

Pin It

Hello Friends, remember me? I'm the lady who USED to write this blog. Now I'm the lady who wishes she had time to write this blog. I've missed this outlet. I've been trying, I really have. I have about a half a dozen posts on the go: little starts, nuggets of ideas, or things that pissed me off that day. Unfortunately, by the time I get time to go back and finish writing, it's usually 1:00 am and I gotta get up early with the kids, or I get a free hour in the day and decide to read/Facebook/watch a movie instead. Downtime is precious when you have two toddlers. I am having a really hard time keeping up with life right now and the blog was the first thing to get shoved on the back burner.

It's hard. I have my family, who I love and adore and would do anything for. They are my life, my reason for getting up in the morning with a smile on my face (no matter how sleep deprived I might be). My husband is my rock, he's the strongest man I know. CeeCee is precocious and precious and makes me laugh all day long. Parker is sweet and funny and watching her learn new things every day makes me appreciate the little things in life. They are my heart, they are my joy, they are the most important thing I have ever done with my life.
Assholes, the lot of them;

Oh good, my kitchen is not as bad as I thought.

I kid, I kid. I don't actually think my family are assholes but I'm also not going to put on airs and act like I have some kind of Stepford family. It's hard work. One is going through the terrible twos on top of being a "spirited child", the other is cutting what feels (and sounds) like six teeth at once and has started terrorizing walking. Mr. Zinga is just trying to keep up with it all without his body breaking down from the effects of Polyarticular JRA while working fifty hours a week to support us all. And me? I'm just here in the middle trying to make sense of it all and trying to be a strong core for my family. I like to think I'm the glue that holds this whole, crazy life together. Krazy glue, undoubtedly, but it's part of my charm. Yeah, sometimes they're assholes. I'm an asshole. Happens to the best of us. I'm not trying to martyr myself, or fish for sympathy. I knew going in that we were going to have tough challenges ahead and I'm prepared for it.

I don't mourn the loss of drunken weekends, perfect hair and a wardrobe that consisted of more than yoga pants and pyjamas.

I love my job and it brings me joy, but right now my kids are my job and it brings more satisfaction than a nine to five ever could.

I do miss my breasts, although they're still down there (somewhere). Their ruination was for a good cause and I wouldn't change a thing.

Who cares that she's hot. I created life. TWICE.

Anyway, what I really miss is my blog. I miss my computer. The laptop just doesn't feel right. I miss sitting at my desk with a fishbowl sized cup of coffee. I miss having something burning inside me that I just gotta get down on paper right then and there. I miss searching for a decent free digital photo and writing a funny caption for it. I miss the rush I get from writing, and the rush I get when someone reads an article and goes out of their way to tell me how much they enjoyed it. I miss it all. There's a whole process to it, editing, revising, marketing...It makes me smile. It makes me happy. It is my second love (just a smidge below my family). One day I'll be able to blog regularly again. In the meantime it'll just sit on that back burner, simmering slowly, gathering flavour and waiting for me to take a big bite.

Image taken from Facebook
Image provided by imagerymajestic/freedigitalphotos.net

Pin It