Thursday, April 12, 2012

Begin at the beginning

Pin It Where to begin?

I could open with a joke but my sense of humor is slightly askew and definitely off color...perhaps that's best saved for later, when you know me better.

No, I think it would be best to begin at the beginning...the beginning of my life as a mother to a spirited toddler and a peaceful infant.

Flashback to November 2009. It was an average Thursday night in the Zinga house. Hubby was contentedly playing video games in the living room while I flaked out in the bedroom with a good book, a good dog and a movie in the background, Gone With the Wind for perhaps the thousandth time (book AND movie in tandem, I know...I'm a weirdo).

I hadn't been feeling well and was trying to catch up on some rest. I had abandoned the book in favor of the movie and had just gotten to the scene where Scarlett tells Rhett she is expecting their second child when it hit me.

(The following is a fairly accurate transcript of what went through my head at the time)

...Naw, I can't be. He has a chronic illness. His swimmers must be fried from decades of medication. 
...Plus we always use birth control...well, pull and pray but still, that's got to count for something. 
...No, I must be imagining the symptoms. 
...My boobs probably hurt because my bra is too tight. Wait a sec, why is my bra so tight?
...I just started a new job, no way I'm pregnant, we did celebrate pretty hard when I GOT the new job though.
...How long ago was that? Five weeks? Six? See, I can't be pregnant I had my period on...when was my last period?

I raced to the bathroom, praying that I still had a test left over from that time I convinced myself I was pregnant, only to find out it was gas. There it was in the medicine cabinet, hiding innocently behind the Pepto Bismol. My nerves were flayed raw by the time I managed, with shaking hands, to remove the wrapper and pee on that ridiculous stick. Two minutes felt like an eternity as I watched my entire life flash before my eyes. I cut my eyes to the side, unable to look at the thing full on. I felt relief wash over me as I realized that there was no plus sign in the window, just one faint pink line in each window. Surely that meant I was not pregnant. I allowed myself a minute of desperate hopefulness before digging the instructions out of the box. Relief was slowly replaced by numbness as I realized I was about to become a mother.

I stumbled out into the living room to confront Hubby with the news:
   Me: "Jeff, I'm pregnant."
   Jeff: "Are you sure?" (his eyes never leave the game)
   Me: "Yes I'm sure, I just pee'd on a stick and it came up positive."
   Jeff: "Go pee on another one."

He wasn't trying to be a dick, he just wanted to be sure. I of course, being incredibly hormonal and frightened out of my wits took it to mean that he was pissed. I started envisioning my life as a single mother.  The next morning I called my doctor and he was able to get us in right away. He confirmed that we were, in fact, pregnant. I glanced over at Hubby. I saw a look of joy mingled with fear in his eyes and I knew then and there that no matter what happened we were in this together. Pin It

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